It's so sad when children get stuck in the middle of two adults who can't get along. This may seem harsh but a parent needs to love their children more then they hate the other person. They are the innocent victim in all this. When will parents realize that their bitterness and anger affects the children? People need to grow up and get over whatever it is that is fueling their hatred for the children's sake. Only when parents can look beyond themselves and see the damage being done, will there be true healing. Any parent who uses their children as a tool to motivate their anger is bitter and selfish.
Often at times there is no one willing to tell the parent with the anger issue to “get over it” and this is Unfortunate. Maybe people need to step up and be honest with their friend or family member who is putting their children through something like this. Maybe if my ex-wife had someone who spoke openly and honestly with her about her actions and motives and how they affect our children, she would see what she is doing. Then again, most wouldn’t listen anyway.
Non-Residential parents need to keep moving forward and doing all they can to be active parents in their children’s lives. Don’t let the other parent wear you down. That’s exactly what they are trying to do. Be a constant in your kid’s lives and they will remember it when they are older. Do SOMETHING with a skill that you’re good at or keep a journal and re-read what you wrote last week. I developed this Web site it is like a release for me, using technology and my skill to have a closer relationship with my children it is a win win.
I just finished reading “Kids live what they learn” If there is any truth in this book, then the odds are already stacked against me. The reason I say this, I can count on two hands and a foot of how many phone calls I have received from my children in the past four years. To put it in layman’s terms my ex-wife simply does not have the children call. She has said “It’s your responsibility to have a relationship with your children” to a small degree I do agree with that. When the children are five and three years of age and they can’t dial numbers, or they need permission to use the phone who is going to help them? So they grow and dad leaves message after message after message, and in the back of their mind it’s ok not to talk to dad…
Recently in a hearing our Judge heard about the calls and saw phone records. The Judge said it best “Mrs, ex-wife you make your children eat their peas, make them call their father”. I could not agree more, society and our judicial system NEEDS more Judges like the one that heard our case.
Take Care,
-Randy
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